So today I noticed two things about our blog/journey/adventure. I had never really expressed how I was feeling. How I was doing in my day to day life here and so now as I sit here halfway through our last stint here in China I feel it is a good time to check in on me. I’m not really used to writing about myself so this will be a new experience and one that probably will not happen again but who knows? Because who knew that I would be retired and living in China during a world pandemic, certainly not me. And if there is one thing the whole world can say at this point in time is that each of us has had some alone time. We have had time to take a break from the regular routine of the life that we were living and experience a different life, a life a bit more sheltered and a bit quieter than say the usual running around that we do. I do not necessarily feel this is a bad time in our lives just time to be more reflective and find out what makes us content but also what we miss and want to get back to.
As I walked a lot today I thought about what I would put in my blog so I could remember how I felt today and what I felt about this whole experience. Going out into the world in China brings lots of challenges as one would expect but being a foreigner and also being a woman opens up even more challenges but as in most cases it is your attitude towards those challenges that makes it a positive or negative experience. First off I want to say that I have always felt safe and confident I can live a pretty normal life here but I had to get used to things. I had to get used to being stared at for one. And like any human, some days I don’t mind and some days I do mind but I have learned to adapt and not react. I never feel intimidated but maybe a little more vulnerable than I would be living in Canada obviously. Secondly, I have no ability to communicate except for the few interactions I engage in when I buy something. They talk in Chinese and I simply say ‘English only’ and they continue to talk to me in Chinese and I smile and just say I have cash and that’s it. So when I leave a store or a restaurant I go back to being mute. Except for when John and I are together or when we go out with his staff there is no connection with anyone. It certainly is an odd feeling but I wouldn’t say that I am an extrovert anyway so I go about my day in this silent way. Maybe since I am ‘on mute’ the thoughts in my head run overtime because they are not expressed and this blog is my way of letting it out. Anyway, these are just a couple of thoughts that are part of my experience.
I thought today about being in Canada and if and how I would be different. Obviously I would be among my own ‘tribe’ however due to the pandemic we would not be visiting, eating out or involved in a group setting in any way due to the lockdowns in Ontario. So I wonder what I would be doing at home and I realized I would likely be walking, doing yoga, painting, writing, sewing and taking pictures just like I am here but at least I would understand everything that is going on around me. I wouldn’t be wondering about what is coming around the corner and I know it would be comforting yet a little bit boring because seeing people on a regular basis and going on a trip would be important to us in Ontario.
So this leads me to feel like I have it pretty good. I can shop, eat out and take in sites in the fine city of Tianjin. I have to appreciate what I have instead of what I don’t have. I have to realize that this adventure will come to an end and I will wonder if I put everything into it that I should have. So far I think I have but I find in the months of January and February like many others we look to staying inside more because of the weather and that’s just the way it is. We are in the middle of winter anyway you look at it and we might as well take on a new hobby or watch a series on Netflix or try to remember what we said our New Year’s resolution was and get at it.
I have taken the time to put a ‘to do’ list on our fridge to remind myself what to do when I am bored and that I shouldn’t succumb to the boredom. I honestly will try to engage in this experience to the fullest and come home with no regrets.
If you have read this until the end you are a very patient and kind person to ‘listen’ to me and I thank you as I go back into ‘mute mode’ and hope that I haven’t turned you off of this blog as I promise more adventures are on the horizon! Take care.
